Suicide Is Painless
by OokamiJudge
Summary: House just can’t take the pain anymore so he does the only thing he can think of.


Disclaimer: I don't own House or the song it is from MASH and is called 'Suicide Is Painless' by Johnny Mandel. I blame this fic and what ever happens in it on my friend Anarchy who I made the mistake of telling and showing how quickly I could write Songfics :P oh well they are fun. Warning this fic contains Character Death.

**Through Early morning fog I see  
Visions of the things to be  
The pains that are withheld for me  
I realize and I can see  
That Suicide is Painless  
It brings on many changes  
And I can take or leave it if I please**

I know that tomorrow is going to be the same as today. I will wake up in pain, I will have to deal with them and their looks, and I will have to deal with even more patents who seem to think I care. The only bright spot I see anymore is the vicodin. Really it's sad and I know it is, but I keep going. More and more the thought of the alternative crept up though. I am a doctor after all and it would be easy enough to make it entirely painless and do it right.

**Try to find a way to make  
All our little joys relate  
Without that ever present hate  
But now I know that it's too late  
Suicide is Painless  
It brings on many changes  
And I can take or leave it if I please**

He knew that there was no way he could make them happy and make him happy. He knew that they called him an addict. That they think he should stop taking them and just deal with it. It would never work or do they not remember when he tried that? He doesn't know if any but those two do or not, but it is them that had kept him here so long. He couldn't seem to fight off the alternative with thoughts of either anymore though. He just kept coming up with different ways to make it work, drugs of various sorts and combinations that would end it all.

**The game of life is hard to play  
I'm going to lose it anyway  
The losing card I'll someday lay  
So this is all I have to say  
Suicide is Painless  
It brings on many changes  
And I can take or leave it if I please**

Ok so maybe he was depressed, but he had a right to be damn it. His wife had betrayed him and put him in pain for the rest of his life. He knew he would go one-way or the other someday it just depended on when and how. The real question was would he leave it to someone or something else to decide how it happened or would he just snap and do it himself? He really didn't know, but he already knew more ways then one to get to his apartment before anyone else and get to anything he would need.

**The only way to win is cheat  
And lay it down before I'm beat  
And to another give a seat  
For that's the only painless feat  
Suicide is Painless  
It brings on many changes  
And I can take or leave it if I please**

The only way he would ever be able to end it all would be to do it himself he knew that. If he left it up to chance he knew it could be years before he would be free. Someone else could deal with this pain if they wanted, but he didn't want to. He would hate to hurt them like that, because he knew it would, but he was being a selfish bastard again and really didn't care. No that was wrong he did care about them and what happened to them, but not as much as he did about himself.

**The sword of time will pierce our skins  
It doesn't hurt when it begins  
But as it works it's way on in  
The pain grow stronger watch it grin  
That Suicide is Painless  
It brings on many changes  
And I can take or leave it if I please**

He settled on the floor in his bathroom, he couldn't take it anymore. He didn't have much time, he knew he didn't but he would have enough. He had down the rest of his bottle of vicodin right before he left the hospital they had seen him do it too and he knew they would be coming. He had his small medical kit beside him, he knew exactly what he was doing. More morphine then anyone would ever need right into the vein and he could feel himself going fuzzy around the edges already. He could last long enough for what he needed though.

**A brave man once requested me  
To answer questions that are key  
Is it to be or not to be  
And I replied "Oh why ask me."  
Suicide is Painless  
It brings on many changes  
And I can take or leave it if I please  
And you can do the same thing if you please**

By the time they found him all they got was a smile as he sat there blood pouring from the self inflicted wounds. One in either leg from ankle to knee along the back of the leg. One in either arm from wrist to elbow along the inside of the forearm. "Can't feel the pain anymore." He informed them actually sounding rather happy for the fist time in some time. They were pale and the younger was near tears, but as the fuzzy became worse he couldn't quite seem to remember why. "It's ok wombat, it's ok now, it doesn't hurt anymore." He told him not sounding a bit like himself as he watched Chase break out into tears.

"It's not ok though. Why did you do this?"

He turned his attention to Wilson smiling again. "Because it doesn't hurt any more. You can make it stop too you know James." He offered "It's nice not to hurt anymore, think I'll just take a nap." He said as his eyes slid closed. His heart was erratic and the two men in front of him too much in shock to think to do anything to stop him from losing more blood. His heart slowed and soon he had gone completely lip as it stopped entirely. Gregory House was dead by his own hand.

The paramedics came and went and neither of the men left behind was able to bring himself to clean up the mess of blood in the bathroom. In truth both were thinking of taking their dead lover's advise. The depression that sets in after losing someone close to you was a strong thing and made some do some very odd things. No one had known before the day House died about the relationship between the three men, but since then they had learned. Walking into House's apartment to find them sitting together on his bed with their things scattered all over had done that rather well.

They hadn't shown up for work the next day, or the day after that, or the day after that. After a full week of hearing nothing the others became concerned over them not answering calls or coming in and went to find them. They did too. They found them right where they had left them. James Wilson sitting on House's bed his back against the headboard his arms wrapped around Robert Chase who was sitting between his spread legs. Unlike that first time though neither man was breathing. Too much morphine and you feel fuzzy, more even then that and you can overdose. None of them would ever feel pain anymore.


End file.
